Liely's Guilty Pleasures

I am done. My mental self is now crawling on the floor. Searching for absolution. I am crawling, searching for source of light. I am so in dark here.             A few days ago, I finally got to hear Imagine Dragon's Demon. I almost cried at the lyric. It is what I've always thought about myself. That I'm beyond salvageable. That I am past beyond help. No one can save me. No one can tame this beast inside me. The beast that have helped me during my time in need. The beast that loved me during the worst time of my life. My lovely beast. The one who protect me, love me, save me, entertain me, make me want to live. How can I let my beast go, when I love her so much, because having her with me is wrong? So wrong. But I love her. She's the reason why I am still here, though fucked-up in the end, but I'm here, aren't I?              I cannot let her go. She is so deeply engrave...

Give me strength. Give me strength.Give me strength. Give me strength.Give me strength. Give me strength.Give me strength. Give me strength.Give me strength. Give me strength.Give me strength. Give me strength.Give me strength. Give me strength.Give me strength. Give me strength.Give me strength. Give me strength.Give me strength. Give me strength.Give me strength. Give me strength.Give me strength. Give me strength.Give me strength. Give me strength.Give me strength. Give me strength.Give me strength. Give me strength.Give me strength. Give me strength.

Will you remember me when I'm gone?

I have never felt an urge so bad to run. God, I want to run so bad. I am so tired. I want to quit. I hate this. I hate myself. Why am I like this? Why am I born this way? I wish I'd done myself like I planned years ago. I cannot handle much of this anymore. Why me? I am so tired, world. Let me sleep forever. I don't want to wake up anymore. I don't want to open my eyes forever. Please, let me sleep. I don't want to see and feel again. I am so tired. Please, let me sleep.

I'm so tired guys. So freaking tired of living and breathing. Why the hell am I here? I should've endeeld it a long time ago. I have it enough with everything. I should never be here. I should havr never go on. I should've stopped believing a long time ago.

I'm back and this time I'm black. My hands are shaking as I write this. God, I feel so horrible about myself. I can't believe that I'm having this attack in class. I am so desperately want to draw blood right now. I feel so dirty and useless. So deep down and unsalvageable. No one can save. No one wants to. As I sit here in this room, accompanied by 40 other students, I have never feel so alone. It's so true about what they say. You can be around a lot of people and yet can feel so alone like you're the only person in the world. I'm putting smile on my face right now, getting ready for another class. Pray I'm going to make it okay at the end of the day.