Almost 22... But Not Quite.
Hey there. And hi diary. Tomorrow is my 22nd birthday. So, here ends my youth. I can't believe I'm gonna be 22. Damn. Now I can't help but remember that Taylor Swift's song. Hahaha. I'm still depressed though. Just when I thought it's going to change. I revert back. Just got back from cutting myself. I tried so hard to distract myself. So hard. I talked nonsensically to my friends just about everything. I tried to talk a walk, deep breath. But once I'm back in the cocoon of my bed, it all goes away. My mind thinks back to the hidden razor in my drawer. Next minute, I was sitting on my chair with a bleeding thigh. Moment like this sends message to my brain that I can't be helped. Not yet. I am still basking in sins. Deep down, I am not fully healed. Deep down, I'm still fucked up with these stupid ideas. I can't let them go yet. This coping method of mine. I didn't even feel the bite of pain because I was feeling too numb. My chest...