Liely's Guilty Pleasures

I'm having those moments when I want to weep in silence. I just found out that my internship place rejected me. Sigh.             It's a small matter right? One door closes on you doesn't mean 1000 others would. I am not that horrible. Am I?              About to walk in a free food's fund and I couldn't lift my spirit up at all. All I want to do right now is curled up in my bed, crying till I'm numb. This is a shitty time for me to be depressed.            All I can say now. Will write later. When I have the courage to wake up and look at myself in the face. L.

Hello. Quickly back to what the title says. I still wake up feeling like shit today. I tried to be super communicative in class. A friend tried to start up a conversation with me a couple of times but I brushed it off but then I immediately felt sorry for her. I ended talking to her, though half-heartedly. During the whole economic engineering class, all I could think is about slitting my wrist open. Just to get all the pressure out.         I feel so dirty and disgusted. FYI, I am in the middle of reading Thirteen Reasons Why right now and I kept thinking what a vindictive bitch Hannah Baker is. I feel like she was seeking attention even from her grave. She did have her bad side of life thrown to her, but it does not portrayed what mental illness  or suicidal thoughts in my attention. All she wanted to have was, the final say in life. Just to get back to people who done her wronged. The true depravity of mental illness is when you blamed everything on yoursel...

... of course, since I'd cut the back of my hand. I just got back from cutting and yesterday was a really long day and I was just so done at 10 am in the morning.          I feel very vulnerable right now. It's hard. Seven new cuts. Two on my arm and five on my thigh.           I'm feeling sleepy now. A little pressure went off my mind from the cuts. I really am unsalvageable now, aren't I?