Meltdown

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Yesterday, I had another attack after a week of abstinence from my bad habit.

I received a bad news yesterday. I felt like my world is crumbling all around me. There I was, in my class, received one of the worst news in my life and I had to keep my facade long enough until the class was over.

There was no doubt in my mind of what I would do as soon as I get my privacy. Hence, the throbbing pain in my leg right now. At first, I felt like I was automated. The only thing I could remember was the urge to feel the bite of pain in my leg. It wasn't until my legs were almost destroyed, I stopped. And even then, I want more. I feel so sick about myself. I don't think I can stop now. It is now, my method of coping.

I had the most releasing meltdown after that. Then, I pull on my big girl panty and went to get some food. The end.

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