How I Met BL?

I don't know why but I really feel so frustrated right now. My dear instinct is telling me to read some BL manga and forget about this harsh world for a minute. I'm thinking that everything is going wrong in my life. My mum was scolding me because I got second place in my final year exam. I'm in SECOND place and she's mad? What else does she wants from me? I know that I usually got first place in my exams for the last four years and this is the second time I got the second place but, really? I only got second place and not the tenth place or something. She said that I got second place because I was too absorb with Internet and Facebook and all those shits (thank god she didn't know that I read mangas). Well, I do admit that I read lots of manga this year but did I really deserve the scolding even though I did get a second place? Second place is not that bad. I am not trying to belittle her but she just cannot say that when she doesn't even know the feeling of being a student. You see, my mum had never gone to school before. She didn't even recognize the alphabets or reading anything or even know to write something. So, she cannot easily judge that life of a student is as easy as she thinks. She didn't even know the conflicts that I have at school. The only thing she knows is I have to study as hard as I can. I repeat, STUDY AS HARD AS I CAN. Seriously, I have a life, mum. I just can't study all the time. I would break. I would break from all of these burdens on my shoulder. Some can easily say the word but some have to work their way through it. This is the exact reason when I would feel so tired of life. My mum would always push me without even knowing the impact it would brought to me. Doesn't she even thinks about what I think? I am tired of study all the times. She said that if she's in my place, she would always study and won't bother about these technologies around her. Really mum? That is impossible unless you're a robot. A normal student like myself won't let myself too absorb with studies. You have to enjoy the life of a student. I don't like it when people say something that is unsure even to themselves. Don't think the life of a student is easy as a walk in the park? I, myself, my student life at the brink of death right now and YOU would never understand it.

            Well, let's end this depressing topic. Let's talk about BL manga. :) Well, BL is shorts for Boy's Love. So, it's basically gay/homosexual manga. I know that it's not everyone cup of tea but I was one of those 'everyone' also a couple of months ago. A friend of mine, Wong Ai Shien, recommended to me that BL mangas are sometimes good. She urged me to read some of BL manga at first and I refused because at the sight of it, BL is DISGUSTING! *shivers* Then, she stopped persuaded me and I didn't hear anymore comments about BL stories from her. But then, a sudden instinct came to me and I felt that I want to taste some of the available BL mangas. A lot of people in my manga world also publicized this unknown world to me which is YAOI. So, I chose Finder as my first BL manga. Little did I know that I actually chose a VERY hardcore yaoi manga. It was totally unacceptable for me at first when I read that manga. I was like, WTH is he doing with him? Yewwww... Yuckk.. Then, suddenly I found myself hooked on that manga. When I read it again, I was totally freak out. How the hell did I manage to read that thing without spurting blood from my nose? It was totally obscene and *hands up* an unsuitable manga for a freshman like me. From then on, I started to read BLs and (I can't believe that I'm saying this but) I kinda like some of it.
     

Honto Yajuu :)

              Well, there are good BL mangas out there and you just have to find the right one. As an example, my most favourite BL manga is Honto Yajuu. It's about a man that comes from a Yakuza family that falls in love with a policeman. It does have those kinda scene (if you know what I mean) but what I like the most in this manga is that the humorous side of it. Sometimes when I read the manga, the mangaka would emphasize to the readers how cute the uke (Google it) and I would be like 'mehh, there's nothing cute about him' but in this manga, the uke is totally cute. He is so far, the best uke and seme (Google it) pair that I ever seen, yet. Besides Honto Yajuu, I also like Totally Captivated manhwa. I rarely like manhwa because of its typical 'unique' art (that is a cynical statement for those who don't get it) but Totally Captivated really captivated me. Well, I only like it because it's the solely completed manga/manhwa that I've finished and satisfied with. I tried to upload some of Finder's picture I found in Google Images but as I thought, a lot of their photos is too (how should I put it in word) sexy (?). Therefore, I won't put it in. By the way, this is a harsh warning, prepare yourself if you want to read Finder. It's a hardcore one. It shows EVERYTHING. *shivers*

              Well, I have never revealed to anyone about my fancies to yaoi or the subtle type of it which is shounen ai. I did reveal it once to my friends but they made fun of homosexuality and like to tease me whenever we're in Islamic Education (IE) class (especially Ambia). I realized that the issue of LGBT very hotly disputed among the people nowadays and I also know that homosexual act is a big sin to the Muslims. The point is I won't become a gay if I kept reading those yaoi mangas, will I? The issue of reading it or not is not a problem. The problem is whether I have enough faith in myself to keep myself out from reading those kind of mangas. I believe that I would manage to keep that aspect away from me. These kind of religious perspective is indeed very sensitive issue and I have no desire to prolong this opinion of mine. What's important is I respect what others think and I hope that they will also respect what I think.

PS. I've dated with a gay for a few days once. Well, I didn't know he was gay until I found out that he's posted a comment for some guy and admitted 'he's gay too' on Facebook. Then, I stopped chatting with him and unfriend him on Facebook. Pheww, that was close.

EDIT: I annoy a hell out of myself when I talked about my mum like that. I dunno what the heck is wrong with me at that moment... Maybe I was just too emotional.. Sorry, mum. :(