Voice, Imaginary Friends, Manga!
I supposed to go to school today but I skipped it even though I know that I had Additional Mathematics today. Weirdly I would feel regretful because I didn't attend today lesson but this time, I didn't feel anything at all. It's just that I had this evil voice inside of me which telling me not to go to school this time. It's always like that. There will always this voice inside of my head which telling me to do something bad. There's time when the 'voice' told me to grab something in an accessory store or try to take a knife and cut myself open. Is this normal? Even right now, the voice is telling me that I'm being nonsensical to bring this out in my post. Is it? Sometimes, because of the voice I don't know whether what I'm doing is right or wrong. There are times when the voice points out something about the truth about myself when I, myself don't know about it. The weird thing is, the voice never has the same opinion as I do. It's always contradicting to what I believe in myself. It becomes a lot worse when it involved with religion. It always makes me doubt of something. But I believe that I make this voice myself.
When I was a kid, about 8 till 10 years old, I had an imaginary friend. Her name is George. I did create a lot more such as Julian, Dick, Anne and a dog, Timmy. You see, I really love The Famous Five books by Enid Blyton and I read a lot of them when I was a kid. So, I had George as my imaginary friend. I wasn't that popular when I was a kid since a best friend of mine moved away from my school. There were three of us then. Hanani, Aisyah and I. When Hanani moved away, there were only Aisyah (not Aishah) and I. Aisyah and I were neighbours in the past, before my family moved away to Kuala Sungai Bharu in Malacca. After Hanani moved away, Aisyah and I were going on solo. Hanani was the pack leader, you see. She the one who made our group stayed together. After she went away, Aisyah entered another group. Fadhilah's group. I was alone. A childhood friend of mine, left me for another group. Basically, that was when I started to dislike Fadh. She took my friend away. Nowadays, I'm in great term with her, okay? No more hatred. But I was that kind of person once. It just irks me when I saw Aisyah and her new group. I would usually hang out with them but somehow their minds and mine cannot go together. You can say that I had a different goal in my head and they had theirs. Then, I'd slowly becoming solitary (like a bear, lol, big and ugly). I was in a period of depression that whole time. Can you believe it? A ten years old girl having a mental breakdown. In the next two years, I was still in depression. That was the time where my imaginary activities went wild. I would talk to myself all day without even talking to real people. I was having the feelings of secluded and outcasted. I felt that it was me against the horrible world. It was a tough point in my life, trying to find my purpose in this world. Then, a good friend come to the picture. Nur Zakiah binti Muhammad Ali. Thanks to her, I was able to get on my feet again. Of course, it takes time to get a solid foundation over my trust issues towards people but Zack (Zakiah) helped me a lot in achieving that equilibrium point in my life. After that, I went through my primary school succesfully with Zack's help. Well, little did I know what will I face in secondary school ^_^. Another hell, lol.
*People used to say that after we ended the school days, we'll absolutely miss it again. Is it true? I really wish I would think that because in my opinion right now, school sucks.
By the way, I've done reading The Breaker: New Waves this early morning. It was FANTASTICAL (BABY)! I don't think it's a disappointment since the story is not fully develop yet (what I mean is it's has more chapters to go before it become really good, I think). I can't wait for its another release. After I've done reading that super uber good shounen manhwa (Korean comic), I read a seinen manga titled 'Kimi no Knife'. Seinen is not my cup-of-tea genre obviously but this one somehow captured my heart. It's about a man that have to be an assassin to pay for his sister's cancer treatment. Then, he started to kill people and at one point I really do felt the tense he had when he has to kill a pair of husband and wife. I kept asking myself, would I kill him (the husband) or not? Well, it really did questions about the morality after you killed someone. Somehow, I like that. After I've done reading it, I went to read a few BLs, just want to fill my time. And finally, right now, I'm reading GTO. I don't know whether it's good or not but I did hear a lot of praise about it. Well, we'll see.
When I was a kid, about 8 till 10 years old, I had an imaginary friend. Her name is George. I did create a lot more such as Julian, Dick, Anne and a dog, Timmy. You see, I really love The Famous Five books by Enid Blyton and I read a lot of them when I was a kid. So, I had George as my imaginary friend. I wasn't that popular when I was a kid since a best friend of mine moved away from my school. There were three of us then. Hanani, Aisyah and I. When Hanani moved away, there were only Aisyah (not Aishah) and I. Aisyah and I were neighbours in the past, before my family moved away to Kuala Sungai Bharu in Malacca. After Hanani moved away, Aisyah and I were going on solo. Hanani was the pack leader, you see. She the one who made our group stayed together. After she went away, Aisyah entered another group. Fadhilah's group. I was alone. A childhood friend of mine, left me for another group. Basically, that was when I started to dislike Fadh. She took my friend away. Nowadays, I'm in great term with her, okay? No more hatred. But I was that kind of person once. It just irks me when I saw Aisyah and her new group. I would usually hang out with them but somehow their minds and mine cannot go together. You can say that I had a different goal in my head and they had theirs. Then, I'd slowly becoming solitary (like a bear, lol, big and ugly). I was in a period of depression that whole time. Can you believe it? A ten years old girl having a mental breakdown. In the next two years, I was still in depression. That was the time where my imaginary activities went wild. I would talk to myself all day without even talking to real people. I was having the feelings of secluded and outcasted. I felt that it was me against the horrible world. It was a tough point in my life, trying to find my purpose in this world. Then, a good friend come to the picture. Nur Zakiah binti Muhammad Ali. Thanks to her, I was able to get on my feet again. Of course, it takes time to get a solid foundation over my trust issues towards people but Zack (Zakiah) helped me a lot in achieving that equilibrium point in my life. After that, I went through my primary school succesfully with Zack's help. Well, little did I know what will I face in secondary school ^_^. Another hell, lol.
*People used to say that after we ended the school days, we'll absolutely miss it again. Is it true? I really wish I would think that because in my opinion right now, school sucks.
By the way, I've done reading The Breaker: New Waves this early morning. It was FANTASTICAL (BABY)! I don't think it's a disappointment since the story is not fully develop yet (what I mean is it's has more chapters to go before it become really good, I think). I can't wait for its another release. After I've done reading that super uber good shounen manhwa (Korean comic), I read a seinen manga titled 'Kimi no Knife'. Seinen is not my cup-of-tea genre obviously but this one somehow captured my heart. It's about a man that have to be an assassin to pay for his sister's cancer treatment. Then, he started to kill people and at one point I really do felt the tense he had when he has to kill a pair of husband and wife. I kept asking myself, would I kill him (the husband) or not? Well, it really did questions about the morality after you killed someone. Somehow, I like that. After I've done reading it, I went to read a few BLs, just want to fill my time. And finally, right now, I'm reading GTO. I don't know whether it's good or not but I did hear a lot of praise about it. Well, we'll see.
| Kimi No Knife |
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